Breakeven Chapter 12
I stormed into my house and ripped my jacket off my shoulders. I threw it across the room.
“I can’t believe her!” I yelled.
“What’d she do now?” Andre yelled from the kitchen.
I rushed into the kitchen.
“So she was leaving for rehearsal and I kissed her, right? And so it was really awkward when sh-“
“What the fuck, you kissed her?” Andre nearly spilled the Raman Noodles as he whipped around.
“Yeah, but that’s not the point. The poi-“
“What do you mean that’s not he point? What the hell is wrong with you? Why’d you stick your tongue down her throat?”
“Look, I didn’t mean to okay. It just kind of-“
“Happened?” Andre smacked the back of my head.
“Did that hurt?”
“Yeah, a little.”
“Good, you idiot.” He turned off the stove and pushed his Raman Noodles away. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Man, we’re going to have a talk. Man to Stupid.”
“Son of a…” I drifted off as he shoved me into the chair.
“No kissing the ex.”
“NO kissing. The ex. Josh do you remember what she did to you? Come one man. I love Cait just like everyone else.” I raised my eyebrow.
“Okay, well not like you. You know what I mean, dude. She was like my sister. But what she did to you, you can’t just forgive her like that and go making out with her.”
“I didn’t m-“
“You’re in deeper than I thought. Josh, man. This is going to end badly. If you fall for her again… It’s not going to be good. You think this will be some fairy tale ending where you, Cait and Misha ride off into the sunset together, but it’s not. Do you remember what it was like after she left? For months you were fucking depressed and then you were just pissed off all the time. And do you remember the horrible rebounds? Come on. Being with Cait is only going to hurt you.”
“I know.” I say in a small voice.”It’s not that simple.”
“And what if you two get back together?” He asked, ignoring my past statement. “What if you guys get back together and break up? Do you realize what this do to Misha. Yeah, he’s young. He’s not really going to remember it. But what if you two keep doing this on/off thing? How do you think it will make Misha feel? His mom and dad happy and together and then pissed and breaking up all the time. If you guys stay like this, just parents you won’t have to worry about hurting him.”
Fuck, he had a point. I leaned back into the chair, wiping a hand down my face.
“Why does this have to be so complicated?” I moaned out to no one.
As I laid in bed that night I thought over Andre’s words. He was right. I needed to focus on Misha. He’s my life now. No matter what I need to do what’s best for him.
I walked up the stairs to Caity’s apartment. I stood outside of her door for a good two minutes before I knocked.
I pushed open the door and walked into the kitchen, just like normal. Caity was flipping pancakes and Misha was standing at her feet, trying to help. He looked at me and his eye lit up.
There was my whole world. Right there.
“Daddyyyyyyyyyyy!” He giggled as he ran across the tile floor and launched himself into my arms. I scooped him up and held him close. I closed my eyes, wanting to keep this moment.
“I missed you, Misha.”
“I miss you too, Daddy!” His little arms were wrapped tightly around my neck. I kissed his cheek. “I wuv you!”
I stopped. Those three words. It was the first time he’d said them to me. My mouth fell open. I never knew those three words could mean so much. My heart soared and I tried to choke back the emotions that I was feeling.
“I love you too.” I held him as close as I could. I never wanted to let him go.
But he had other plans. He wiggled and writhed in my arms.
“Daddy! Pancake! Pancake!”
“I’m not sure I heard you right is Mommy making pancakes?”
“Yeah! Yeah, siwy!” he giggled and I set him down. “I hewp!”
“You’re helping? That’s great, bud.”
“It’s almost ready, you can take a seat. I’ve got it, plus I have Muscles down here to help me.”
“Grrrr!” Misha held up his arms and flexed. I couldn’t help but laugh. God, my kid is the cutest in the world, I swear.
Caity and Misha set the plate of pancakes on the table and we all dug in. Misha attempted to make a house out of his, but it crumbled and he mashed them with his fork and mixed the syrup in with them.
“Ew, Misha. Don’t play with your food.” He chewed his food and stuck his tongue out at Caity. I tried not to laugh, but reprimanded him instead.
“Misha.” He looked at me with side eyes. “Stop messing with your food. And don’t stick your tongue out with food on it. It’s disrespectful.”
He looked down at his plate.
“Oookay.” He picked his fork back up and took a small bite. I stumbled a bit. He just looked so sad. I glanced up at Caity and she mouthed, It’s okay. He’ll be fine.
I nodded my head, still unconvinced. Within seconds he had an animated smile on his face.
“Cartoooons! Pwease Mommy! Oh, pwease, oh pwease! can I watch Cartoooooons? Pwease! I’ll be good, I pwomise!”
“Well you did eat your pancakes.” His eyes lit up. “Or pancake mush… I guess you can go watch cartoons.”
He immediately jumped out of his chair and ran into the living room yelling.
Cait got up and took Misha’s plate to the trash and scrapped it in and then set it in the sink. I grabbed some of the dirty plates and helped. I set them into the sink. I looked down at the plates.
“Caity, I’m sorry about last night. I was-“
“A dick?” I glanced up to meet her blue eyes. She held a small smile on her face and a knowing look. “Yeah, I know. But I was a bitch, so it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. We can’t do that. It’s not fair to us and it’s not fair to Misha. Fights are normal, but not over stupid things like that.”
“I’m sorry too. Really we both said some stupid things and jumped to conclusions. We both just need to focus on parenting Misha.” I nodded.
“Exactly.” The tension seemed to die down a little in the room as I helped Cait with the dishes.
My phone rang in my pocket.
“One sec.” Avan. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
“Dude I want to see Misha again.” Avan had fallen in love with Misha. How a man in his late twenties could become best friends with his, well… his best friend’s two year old son, I do not know.
“Yeah, do you want to come over?”
“Naaw I was thinking we could like head out and do something. We could taking him to the toy store in the mall. I know you’re still on edge about the park thing, but come on I want to be a good God Father.”
It was last week that Avan first got to meet Misha. They had gotten along so well Cait and I decided to name him Misha’s God Father.
“Alright, hold up,” I held my hand over the phone. “Cait, Avan wants to take Misha to the toy store at the mall. Do you think it’d be okay?”
She pursed her lips.
“Well, I don’t see why not, as long as you’re careful.”
“Sweet. We’re good to go,” I said into the phone.
“Oh and Caity’s coming too, right?” I looked at Cait.
“You wanna go?”
“No, I’ll stay here.”
“Aww come on!!!” Avan yelled through the phone at her. She laughed.
“Okay I have fallen for peer pressure!”
“Awesome. I’ll pick you all up in about twenty minutes.”
Caity did the dishes while I got Misha ready. Putting overall on a squirming, excited two year old boy has to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Well, besides change his diaper.
When Avan pulled up Misha latched himself to his leg, while I put his car seat in Avan’s car. Cait sat in back with him and we were off.
The mall was crowded but we all stuck close. First thing was first, the toy store.
I held Misha’s little hand in mine as we walked into the little store. He was ready to tare free from my hand and run around, but I held on tight.
“Twansfowmass!” he held a Bubble Bee toy in his hands, gazing at it.
I laughed as Misha dragged me all around the store looking at nearly everything.
There were hundreds of toys and most of them were expensive. Money obviously wasn’t an object with us, but it shocked me at what Misha wanted more than anything else in the store.
He stopped dead in his tracks, He slowly made his was over to the bin in the back of the store. He cocked his little head to the side as he picked up an old hand-me-down teddy bear. The back of the store is where they had and exchange area. No one really made stuffed animals anymore and they were difficult to come by.
Misha’s eye glowed as he took the bear cautiously in his hands.
The bear was dark brown and missing and ear and an eye. The insides of his ears and the bottoms of his paws had a cloth pattern on them of lighter brown.
“Ohhhhh.” Misha mumbled. ” I wike him.”
I squatted down next to him.
“Do you like the bear?”
He nodded his head and stared at the bear as if it were the best prize in the world.
“His name is Spenca.”
He nodded his little head. He cuddled the bear, Spencer, closer into his chest and burrowed his face into the bear.
The shopkeeper was just behind the desk a few feet away.
“How much for the bear?”
“That ratty old thing?”
“He’s not watty!” Misha glared at the man. He looked down at Misha.
“My apologies. The bear? $10. Practically free.” I took out my wallet and handed him the bill.
“He’s yours now,” I told Misha. His eyes were swimming with tears of happiness.
“Tank you, Daddy. Spenca’s happy too.” He wrapped his little arms around me, still holding onto the bear.
We met Caity and Avan back at the counter. Avan had gotten him a few toys and he was so excited, but not once did he let go of Spencer.
“Instead of forcing you boys to follow me around while I go shopping, how about you boys take Misha around for a while and I’m going to go see if I can find some new jeans.”
“Yeah, cool. No problem.” Avan said, picking Misha up. Misha pushed Spencer against Avan’s mouth as if to give him a kiss and let out a,
I smacked my head.
“Hey, guys, I just remembered I have to run over and get some new cleats for soccer. I’ve worn out my old ones. Avan do you mind taking Misha while I go grab those. We’ll meet you at the food court in about thirty minutes?”
We all began to walk away.
“Thirty minutes, Caitlyn!” I yelled jokingly to her. She rolled her eyes and walked toward the numerous clothing stores. I waved at Misha as Avan walked another direction.
At the athletics store I looked for the right cleats. They ended up being expensive but they were good and would last a while. I grabbed my purchase and realized I took a lot longer than I thought.
I quickly made my way to the food court and looked around. I got caught up by a few fans and took a few pictures, but searched for any sign of Avan, Misha or Caity.
A few feet away from me, on the floor, I saw the little brown bear, Spencer. I shook my head. Hasn’t had it for an hour and already lost him. I thought he liked him better than that. Luckily, I found it for him. I picked up the bear and searched for them.
I finally saw Avan and began to walk over. Caity was next to him crying and looked like she was going to hit something.
I full on sprinted over to them.
“Whoa, Cait! What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I placed my hands on her shoulders and turned her to face me. She was hysterical and just fell into my arms. I held her close and looked at Avan.
“What the hell is going on?” Avan looked like he was about to cry and was freaking out himself.
Breakeven Chapter 4 is up!
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Breakeven Chapter 2
“What the fuck was that?!” Josh yelled. We had gone to a private room in the hospital. I asked the doctor if there was anywhere that we could talk about a… very important matter and he led us to this room. The whole way there Josh was silent. It was a scary silent. The calm before the storm. Now, he was pacing back and forth and practically shaking. “And don’t you dare fucking lie to me! I KNOW WHAT I SAW!”
I just stood there. I knew it was going to be mad. Why wouldn’t he? I had kept Josh away from his child for two years. He obviously would be pissed. Josh, even though he was so angry, there was no need to fear him. The worst he could do is punch a wall. He’d never go any farther. His bark was way worse than his bite.
But I still couldn’t speak. How could I possibly explain this to him?
“No, Caitlyn. You do not have the fucking right to sit there being silent.” I tried to say something.. anything, but no words came out. ”Answer me, goddammit!And honestly. Is that my kid?”
I took a deep, shuttering breath.
“Yes.” I closed my eyes tightly for a second.
“Oh. My. God.” He sighed, he turned away from me. He kicked the chair next to him, he didn’t kick it that hard or he would have broken it. I knew he was still containing his anger or he would have his fist through the wall.
A Josh Hutcherson One-Shot
“Babe, are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” You replied. Your voice was flat and emotionless. A tell-tale sign that something was wrong.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and that was true. On the outside your strong wall built a tough exterior, hiding the pain away the pain away from anyone. Normally you could get by with a small smile and an “I’m fine.” But that’s because no one payed attention to your soft eyes. They eyes were screaming for help. Pleading for someone to listen. Just looking in your eyes and anyone could see what you were thinking.
Maybe I do need to loose wight. I do have some pudge. I’m not pretty enough to be with Josh, just look at my nose! Why is with me? He’ll find someone prettier and better, someone who deserves him. I’m just not good enough. I’m a nobody.
You walked past Josh and walked calmly into the bathroom. The bathroom in the hotel room was so small and cramped you felt as if you were locked in. You loved being on tour with the Josh, going to all The Hunger Games movie premiers around the world, but you had absolutely no privacy. Going from airplanes to hotel rooms everyday you had no where you could just sit and think. At this point in time, you didn’t want to think. You wanted to be held. You wanted to cuddle into Josh’s chest and fall asleep and forget about the comments you just read.
But you couldn’t. If you did Josh would find out what was wrong and he’d be angry at the people who did wrote those horrid things.
You could feel her walls breaking down as you pictured your twitter page.
“You ugly bitch!
You’re just another slut!
UGLY DISGUSTING WHORE!”
You took a deep breath as a tear fell down your face. The ache in your chest just began to grow. Your throat tightened and you bit your bottom lip and blinked your eyes to try to stop the tears. You slid down the wall resting your feet against the bathtub, bringing your knees up to your chest. In your right hand was your phone, you clutched it tight, you would have preferred a teddy bear or Josh’s hand but you couldn’t.
A slight knock on the door told her that you wasn’t going to escape this and there was no room for privacy in a small hotel room with practically the whole cast sitting right outside.
“Babe?” Josh’s deep voice called in. He sounded worried.
You cleared the throat.
“It’s me. Please, can you let me in?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” Your voice was once again just flat and emotionless and no one would be able to tell that silent tears were trickling softly down your cheeks.
“Please let me in?” The way he spoke felt like sending and arrow straight at your heart. He was so concerned.
You didn’t get up, but just reached up and pushed the door open. Josh bit his lip, seeing you crying was killing him.
He quickly slid inside the already cramped bathroom, shut the door and took you in his arms.
He brushed your hair gently out of your face and cupped your cheek. Your nose and ears were red and eyes were ringed with tears that slid silently down your face leaving paths in their wake. He caressed your cheek taking away your tears as he pulled you onto his lap. Your small frame nestled perfectly into his. He wrapped an arm around you, protectively while his other hand softly smoothed your hair out of her face.
“You are beautiful.” You closed her eyes, a small sigh of protest escaping your mouth as you turned your head, ashamed, away from him.
”Look at me.” He hooked a finger under your chin and brought your gaze to his. “Never, never listen to what those girls say. They aren’t insulting you. They’re insulting ‘Josh Hutcherson’s girlfriend’ because they want to feel better about themselves. Please, I know it hurts, trust me. I know. I’ve been in this position before and it’s not fun.”
You cuddled your way closer to him. You nuzzled your nose into the crook of his neck, his musky cologne was soothing. Your tears dropped onto his skin and fell down into his shirt. He pulled you closer wrapping both arms around you, cradling you to him.
“I know.” Your voice cracked. He rubbed soothing circled on your back through your tank top. “I know that they’re just jealous and so they want to be as rude as possible. I know all of that. But… but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. I mean, it should. I should be smart enough to just put my emotions aside or… I don’t know.” Your voice was strained and weak.
He kissed your hair.
“What those girls were saying would effect anyone. But the comments weren’t true. You are a beautiful girl. Inside and out. You are kind and compassionate and the sweetest person I have ever met. You would give anything just to know that others are happy. You’re funny and talented and yes, you are beautiful. Absolutely stunning.”
There was a moment of silence.
You smiled Josh’s neck. All signs of tears, of sadness were fading away. You loved Josh more than you could ever possibly say. It was even hard for you to comprehend, having never felt this way before. But things like this. These small little moments made everything okay. Made everything else seem unimportant.
You laughed slightly.
“You are just so… perfect.” You sat up in his lap, looking into his deep hazel eyes. You started to giggle. One of your hands covered your mouth, in an attempt to possibly hide your laughter. Josh giggled with your, not exactly knowing why but your laughter was infectious.
“If would have told me, last year that I was going to be in a three foot bathroom cuddling up to Josh Hutcherson an-“
“JOSH! HEEEEELP!!!” Jennifer’s screaming broke through the little romantic bubble, you had both created. Both you and Josh jumped up and tore out of the bathroom only to find Jennifer on the couch being attacked but, of all people, Amanda Stenberg. Everyone: Liam, Alexander and Isabelle were laughing their heads off.
”What’s going on here?” Josh said, laughing.
“Jennifer stole Amanda’s last Hershey’s bar.” Liam explained through his laughter.
“Jen! You never touch someone else’s chocolate!” You reprimand. It didn’t work because you too was laughing.
“My tummy wanted the chocolate!” Jennifer complained. Laughing as Amanda climbed on her back reaching out for the candy. Jen held the candy just out of reach of the young girl.
Amanda looked to Josh. “Please, bright knight save me from the evil dragon and help me get my chocolate back!” Josh looked to you, and you nodded towards the fighting pair on the floor.
“Go save your Princess, Sir Hutcherson.” With a grin Josh launched himself in the fight.
“Have at thee, coward!”