A Josh Hutcherson Oneshot
I just… had to write this and get it out.
There’s something wrong. I woke up at about six in the morning. Josh was asleep next to me. His mouth was hanging open, his eyes shut. He kept murmuring every once and a while and I knew he was dreaming. I smiled at him. But something still felt wrong.
Beside me the phone rang. I sighed and reached over to grab the phone before it woke Josh up, unsuccessfully. Josh jerked awake, his sleepy eyes looked over questionably at me. He yawned. I picked up the phone.
"Who is it, babe?"
"Hey, mom." I answered my phone. He rolled his eyes with a small smile.
She was crying on the other end and my whole body froze.
No, please dear God, no.
"The nurse just called me. She was moving dad into the cancer ward, preparing to move him to the hospice. She left the room for only a minute and when she came back… he was gone."
He was gone.
My brain shut down. My body shut down, but I started shaking. I just stared ahead of my at the Piccaso painting I have in my room.
Her voice continued as it was shattering. I didn’t feel a thing.
"She said… she said he wasn’t in any pain. He was on so much medicine to keep the pain away. He had… Oh, God…"I could hear her sobs and all I wanted to do was hold her.
Josh’s eyes peeked open.
"Babe… you okay?" He sat up. I didn’t move. "Cait! You’re shaking what’s wrong?"
I didn’t say a word.
"Dad wanted to call us at about 10 last night, but they gave him the wrong number and he couldn’t call. I just… he’s gone, baby. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, but I couldn’t tell you to fly all the way home and wait a day or two to tell you.. I just.. " She broke off sobbing on the phone.
I could feel my eyelashes move as I blinked, It felt like everything slowed down. I couldn’t even find my heart. It seemed like it was gone.
I could hear my breaths and I took them in. My body was still shaking uncontrollably, I remember that I read once that these are the signs of shock.
Am I going into shock?
I couldn’t see anything other than the strokes of blue of the painting. I wondered how long it too Piccaso to paint.
My brain was moving and thinking everything, everything other than the situation at hand. But for some reason I couldn’t move my eyes away from the painting.
Oh, gosh, I think Josh is talking.
I think someone’s talking.
"Cait we need you back home for the funeral arrangements. We need the whole family together. When can you make it down here?"
I couldn’t answer anything. I don’t know why. I’m pretty sure my mouth could work, but it just seemed to stay shut, no matter what I thought.
I focused on moving my mouth. I needed to answer him.
"I’ll be there as soon as I can" My voice sounded weird, even to my own ears.
I coughed, all the sudden there was a lump in my throat.
All the sudden a warm cotton blanket was wrapped around my shoulders. I could feel the fabric as two hands rubbed it over my arms, I guess trying to warm me.
"Bye, Cait. I’m sorry. I love you and I’ll see you soon." I tried to answer back, but my mouth refused to work again.
I hung up the phone and threw it somewhere. It could have been across the room, on the table, bed, I don’t know, but my eyes still never left the painting. My dad had bought it for me. Three years ago.
"Baby, what’s wrong?" I could feel his strong arms around me, but I didn’t move. "Cait you’re scaring me. What is it?"
I’m scaring him. He must think I’m crazy. There was something about his voice. I just heard it and it felt like it was the arrow send into my heart. The dam had cracked. It started small but it was spreading. The pain. It ripped through my heart and body.
A choked sob echoed through the small room. It sounded so alien.
"Dad is… Oh my God,” A pain like I had never known rocked through my body and took over everything. A dark hole replaced where my heart once was and I felt nothing but the overwhelming sense of loss. “God, why?”
Hot tears rolled down my face. They wouldn’t stop. I took in a deep shaky breath but it didn’t seem like enough. My lungs had collapsed, it seemed. I couldn’t get enough air. My whole body was rocking with the shakes, tears fell and I couldn’t do anything.
"H- he-he’s gone.”
That’s it. He’s gone. I’m gone.
I think I screamed it. I’m not sure, it came out like a whisper, but it felt like a scream.
"Oh my God. Oh .. Baby," Josh wrapped his arms around me and I felt myself being led into his chest. My head rested against his heart. It was beating. Strong and steady.
I thought about my dad. What were his last words? Did he think about me? Did he know how much I love him? Did he know I forgave him for everything?
The tears stained Josh’s shirt but I couldn’t stop crying. I have always hated crying. To me it seemed weak and I was never weak.
But now I was a weak little girl.
All I want is him back. I would give anything, absolutely anything in the world to go back just three weeks. Three weeks ago everything was fine, everything was perfect. Well, it wasn’t perfect but now it seemed that way.
Baby girl, Caitybug, My Little Bugger, Little Pud’. I heard his voice echo through my ears and it only made me sob louder.
I could hear Josh only slightly over my cries of anguish.
"Shhh, I’m here baby. I’m so sorry. I’m here." His words did not comfort me but he was right. He’s here. Josh will be here for me.
Josh leaned back against the wooden bed frame. Holding me.
"He’.. He’s gone." I repeated. Every once and a while I would scream out something, anything. Most of the time it was unintelligible, or pleads to God.
I don’t think I stopped, for hours, I didn’t stop crying. I have no idea how that was possible. But the sobs slowed down to small little cries. Whimpers.
The sounds were still loud enough to echo off the walls and return to me. To mock me.
I’m never going to hear his voice again. I’m never going to see his blue eyes open. We’re never going to sing old doo-wop songs or the Beatles. We’re never going to sing Blue Christmas together and annoy everyone in the house with our horrible exaggerated rendition.
He won’t walk me down the aisle on my wedding. He won’t be there to hug me. He never got to go to one of my performance. He never got to see me act.
A million thoughts ran through my head that never had before.
But slowly the comfort of Josh’s arms helped bring me down to Earth.
"I’m so sorry. Is there anything you need? Anything I’ll go get anything you want, I swear."
"I just… I want him back… and I know I can’t it’s stupid… but….Just hold me, please. Don’t go any where, please just hold me."
"Forever." He whispered into my hair.
His chin came to rest on my head and he rocked my back and forth. His lips kissed my hair.
I wrapped my arms around him and buried myself in his chest as much as I could. Josh wrapped a blanket around us.
As strange as it seems, I felt like if I went to his hospital room, he’d still be there. He would smile up and me and say “Missed you baby girl!”
I tried to burrow into Josh’s chest to weaken the pain.
He held me for hours until I fell asleep. The last thing I heard before the darkness and peace of sleep was Josh’s deep soothing voice, it echoed it my dreams and brought a small comfort to me.
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